Helping Kids Be Themselves

Our children face a lot of challenges, such as trying to be popular and successful at school and maintaining a good relationship with their families. The pressures to achieve these goals are enormous. At the same time children also have the pressure of just trying to fit in with their peers. There is almost nothing worse for a child than to be singled out as being different from everyone else. That can result in taunting, bullying, and being ostracized from social networks and activities.

We can see the effort children make every day to look, talk, dress, and act like everybody else. Sometimes they do it to be popular, but mostly they are just trying to fit in.

Often this attempt to appear like everyone else can have the effect of turning them into somebody else. They can lose the ability not only to express themselves in appearance, but also to think and act independently. This can lead to many difficulties ranging from a loss of self-confidence and esteem to blindly following the path to early drug or alcohol use.

Parents have a crucial role to play in helping children be themselves and be true to their own values and beliefs. Even as we gently nudge our children toward the path we would like them to choose and the people we would like them to be, we also have to recognize their individuality and encourage them to be their unique selves. With the pressure they receive at school to conform with friends, they just don’t need a similar push to conform at home.

We have to find ways to let children express their individuality at home so they will feel confident enough to stay strong when they interact with others. This doesn’t mean allowing lax or inappropriate behavior, but it does mean celebrating and acknowledging their differences and uniqueness, even within the family unit. We can also provide solid direction and guidance so that they can find their own path and individuality within acceptable social and family norms.

This is not an easy challenge for many parents to meet, but if you can help your children find their own way to fulfilling their destiny, they will feel good about themselves and confident in their abilities to succeed. You can also reinforce the message that just fitting in will never be good enough to allow them to reach their full potential. Each person needs to be not just himself or herself, but the best self he or she can be.